Mothers’ Perspectives on Resistance and Defiance in Middle Childhood: Promoting Autonomy and Social Skill

This study explored mothers’ perceptions of their children’s resistance to their requests and defiance of parental authority during middle childhood and early adolescence. We were interested in parental perceptions of change in resistance, their interpretations of the meaning of resistance, and parental responses to these behaviors. Forty Canadian mothers of children 9–13 years of age participated for one week in a study focused on parents’ experiences of children’s resistance and opposition. Procedures consisted of a qualitative analysis of mothers’ reports from a five-day event diary and a 1 h semi-structured interview. Mothers reported developmental changes in the quantity and quality of children’s resistance to parental requests and expectations. Most mothers reported increasing displays of defiance and direct and indirect expressions of attitude but also noted changes in the skill with which children expressed resistance. Mothers interpreted children’s resistance as annoying but normal expressions of children’s developing autonomy. Mothers supported children’s right to expression of agency through resistance but attempted to channel children’s resistance toward socially competent expressions of assertiveness. The findings have implications for a relational perspective on autonomy-supportive parenting and parents’ goals for children’s developing social competence in the 21st century.